A WOACA loves her summer holiday as much as the next person, but does she love the thought of exposing acres of ageing flesh to all and sundry? Hmm, Jane and Beryl are of the opinion that less is more is this instance. In other words, covering up is the name of the game, but in an elegant and charming way. Whether you are heading for the Bahamas or Bognor, read on for their top tips.


1. Keep your back to the camera

Beryl wears a past season swimsuit by Laura Ashley £45

Jane and Beryl have found that some of the best holiday snaps are those which don't show their flabby tummies and droopy bazumbas. Granted, their bottoms are one part of their anatomies which have not succumbed to their cake eating, but nonetheless, Back is Best for many a WOACA.





2. Keep your body submerged as much as possible

Swimsuit, Tesco, £18


There may be cries of, 'Beached whale on the port bow,' but Jane and Beryl prefer references to Splash! Lolling about in the shallows when spending a day on the beach can only be preferable to lard-assing on the sand.



3. Wear voluminous dresses a la Nana Mouskouri

Dress Monsoon, £60 this season, shoes Penelope Chilvers pre-loved £29.99

Jane and Beryl are old friends with Nana. She can do no wrong in the beachwear department (if not in the vocal renditions), after all, what's not to love? Long and loose is what is required when it is 35 degrees in the shade, and our fashionistas hope that the sun shines on all WOACA holidays this year.

Dress Seven Styles £22, headband Anthropologie £28,
 Raybans £179 past season, bag past season Top Shop £29, shoes, Toni Pony £55


4. Wear white

Beryl's dress by The White Company (past season, £159), sandals past season Dorothy Perkins £16.99
 Jane's, Anthropologie (past season £168), plimsolls, New Look £9.99
Head to toe white wearing looks fabulous in the sunshine, and yes, Beryl of course dropped her dinner down her front.  

5. Keep a lacy - mini or maxi - kaftan to hand at all times

Kaftan: Anthropologie £74 this season




When else can a WOACA rock a lot of white lace? Jane and Beryl love a classy cover up.



6. Head for the beach pyjama option

Picasso mules £20 sale Anthropologie, jumpsuit, Kefalonian beach shop 55 euros

The body positivity movement is a wonderful thing, but Beryl has to confess that after at least 40 years of thinking about her body in terms of good and bad bits, she finds this mind set very hard to shift. Sometimes a WOACA feels that her legs are not her best feature, for which Jane and Beryl suggest the re-invention of the 1930's favourite, the beach pyjama. These are incredibly wide legged so that Beryl glides seamlessly from beach to bar, except that they are a tad long, so she keeps doing a lot of comedy falls, which rather ruins the effect.  

7. Distract the eye with gorgeous accessories

Cats Eye sunnies £15 Top Shop 
Large hat Assos beach shop 45 Euros,
 Ciao Bella bag £30 Accessorize 
Bag £45 from a local sale
Shoes Jigsaw £89 last season
This follows the theory that if the other beach goers are admiring your bag, they are probably not dissing your belly. This year Jane and Beryl have gone boho glam with a lot of raffia, straw, tassels and big earrings. 

Beryl and Jane wish you wonderful adventures wherever you may be this summer. They were larking about on the very beautiful Kefalonia, with Ionian Island Holidays. 















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