The flat shoe shuffle

The flat shoe shuffle

Monday 29 April 2019

L to R: Rocket Dog, Hermes, Moroccan street market, Jigsaw, Penelope Chilvers

Jane and Beryl have decided this week to moan about their feet. Where as once upon a time they skipped about London nightclubs with pretty feet shod in vertiginous party shoes, they now painfully hobble with the feet of ancient Hobbits.

  

As luck would have it though, the flat shoe is the shoe of the season, and Jane and Beryl rejoice: comfort over glamour, but not, they emphasise, over style. Your trotters may be ridden with osteoarthritis in the metatarsals and a bunion may be emerging, but in a pair of flat shoes the WOACA can and will conquer the world. 

The high vamp sling

 These stripy fabric shoes from Florence and Fred are a perfect pair of bunion-smugglers if Beryl and Jane ever saw a pair. The high-cut vamp encases the offending joint, while the pointed toe elongates the leg. No-one need ever know Beryl's grisly secret. Worn here with a shirt-dress, Beryl feels as elegant as if she was sporting a kitten heel, and all for £14 from Tesco.

The Trad white plimsole

Beryl sight-seeing in Truro

Jane and Beryl love a pair of white tennis shoes, and will wear them with pretty much anything. Beryl has two pairs, one uber comfy pair, in which she goes walking, and a pristine pair that only come out on special occasions. After years of debate she has finally decided that expensive versions hold no thrall, and that it is the lily white newness that she craves, which is easily acquired in ASDA for £8. 

The plimsoll with a twist

Rocket Dog via the charity shop £20

Jane and Beryl couldn't resist adding in these little beauties as they came from the charity shop, completely unworn. The glorious summer colour with the rope detailing give the plimsoll vibe with a hint of holiday about them. In fact, so desirable are they that Jane's 22 year old daughter is seen here in the process of stealing them...

The chunky sandal

Joules £34.95

Of course, you can wear whatever you darn well pleas-ie on your feet, as is the right of any fifty-year old woman. If pushed, however, Jane and Beryl have to note that they dislike anything of the chunky moulded sole and wide strap genre. There can be something very ernest about the wrong sandals which tend to make a woman look as if she is off on a pilgrimage. Anything with a velcro fastening is an early warning sign of a serious mindset, and therefore must be avoided at all cost. Conversely, over use of the fit-flop in a formal setting is a sure sign of a flippity-gibbet. Many a lovely summer dress is ruined by the sight of porky toes in an ill-considered fit flop. 

The slide

White Stuff £35

Bezza loves the idea of a slide, but the clue is in the name, she cannot stop sliding about in them, particularly if they have smooth soles. Jane, who is prone to comedy falls and can trip over a piece of fluff on the carpet even when well-shod, requires shoes with industrial strength construction. So Jane and Beryl are ruling these slippery customers out.

The espadrille mule

Espadrilles £10 Anthropologie, handbag Dune £75, Sunglasses £35 Roxtons

Beryl much prefers an espadrille, and this year an espadrille mule. Artistically, Beryl is a fan of Picasso, so these are perfect. Sadly, she has just road-tested these in Cornwall and had quite a bit of bother keeping them on, she found herself gripping with her toes. Short trips to the bar only, round the edge of the pool, she thinks.

The (nearly) trad espadrille

Penelope Chilvers via the charity shop £30

These take the espadrille to posh dizzy heights which Jane would never normally scale as they are apparently £120 when new and no espadrille is worth that in her book. However, they are suede and have the lovely platform effect which Jane and Beryl so love this season, AND they must be the bargain of the year (so far). 

The summer boot

Penelope Chilvers £119 (sale)

The Chelsea boot need not be confined to the posh bits of London that is their namesake as they are adept at hiding a square ankle and come into their own anywhere on any inclement spring day.

The posh mule

Anthropologie £98 

The hot fashion shoe of this spring is the flat mule. Beryl seized upon these in Anthroplogie and decided to fork out, because she now longs to wear something flat and beautiful to summer events. She discovered this look last year when she started wearing her Rixo maxi dress with plimmies, but has secretly lusted after a more upmarket gold mule to wear with white.

The rafia mule

Jigsaw £78 sale  

Jane's foot problem - in addition to the budding hallux vulgaris (look it up) - is a two size discrepancy in her feet. While one size can be considered a misfortune, two is just bloody awkward. However, mules are just the thing in such circumstances and Jane highly recommends them for all those with trying feet.

The beach sandal

Piarossini £17

Ahh... Les Tropeziennes as the French romantically call the conjunction of a sole and a toe post. Beryl has had such fun in this style and spent a fortune on them or next to nothing depending on the brand. The key to wearing them in your prime is to think, what would Eizabeth Taylor wear with a white turban? Enough said.