Jane and Beryl know that being a WOACA is a mixed blessing. Sometimes, on a good day, Jane and Beryl are brimming with confidence. But on a bad day, Beryl looks in the mirror and wonders what the hell happened, and why her Auntie Marge is staring back? Jane, of course, administers a sharp slap, and tells her to buck up and do as she's told - which are these 10 feel-good fixes. 


1. The power of sunglasses


Sunglasses Mint Velvet £39

Sunnies are the single most feel-good accessory on the planet. Fancy there being an object that blots out wrinkles, hides fatigue and makes you look glamorous all in one hit. Beryl keeps circling back to her beloved Ray-Bans, but also wears vintage charity shop finds.  


2. The power of a face-brightening necklace


Majesty necklace £38 from Eternal Collection www.eternalcollection.co.uk
(comes with matching earrings as either dangles or studs £16) Get in quick with their special offer 10% off and free P&P with code FEB18 before end of the month

Necklace £15 M&S

Margaret thatcher put Beryl on to this. She was very adamant that pearls illuminate the face. Great trick, disastrous politics. 

3. The power of a great hair-cut





Good hairdressers are worth their weight in golden scissors and Jane loves to stick with hers: he has seen her through thick and thin - not just her hair - as her curls are notoriously unruly. She had a very nasty incident at one famous chain when no-one in the entire salon was able to dry her hair - big Hair Bear Bunch moment. Beryl in contrast is a right tart when it comes to coiffure. She changes hairdressers at the drop of a hat and thinks: new hairdresser, new Beryl. Two big WOACA mistakes come to mind, too short, or too long.  


4. The power of a bright lipstick





Jane wears bright pink by Sephora, Beryl wears ????
Shall we discuss the effect of a bit of bright lippy? In the 90s Bobby Brown brought out subtle plums and dusky browns and nudes, which though marvellous when you are newly hatched and lovely, look hellish on a woman who is slowly turning beige. Jane and Beryl say turn up the contrast and define your lovely cake-hole with a vibrant hue. 



5. The power of heel wearing


Karen Millen sale bargain £35




Vintage snakeskin kittens

Now girls, just because your trotters are not what they once were, this is no excuse to start oggling the Hotter catalogue or wearing policewomen's shoes.  Beryl favours the vertiginous while Jane will not go higher than a kitten. 









6. The power of a new, fitted bra


Post surgery bra, M&S about £20

Cleo by Panache about £30


Bravissimo £28  















Rosie Huntington Whitely at M&S












What the hell is going on with you and that bra Jane? Bad faerie Beryl has an urge to steal it and chuck it over a hedge. In fairness, it was bought after a minor procedure and has no wiring, but that was over a year ago. In contrast Jane's Panache bra was fitted by the lovely ladies at Bravissimo, has under wiring and side slings to propel her bristols up and forward. 

Beryl's bra from M&S, isn't doing much of a job either, it looks ok but isn't offering enough support. Buying an unfitted bra in a supermarket and guessing your size is a recipe for a low-slung disaster. Wearing a good quality well-constructed pretty bra in the right size and shape for your ta-tas will transform your figure, and create a charming space between your bosom and your tummy that will instantly make you look thinner. If you only do one thing for yourself as a result of these suggestions, let it be this one. 
   
7. The power of swapping black for blue


Whistles top second hand £25, M&S velvet trousers £39, black boots River Island £55


Navy blue a-line top The White Company, 1940s style trousers The House of Foxy £69

It has come to Jane and Beryl's attention that many WOACAs are hiding their bodies under a surfeit of black clothing. There is of course nothing wrong with wearing all black, as long as it is a cocktail dress. Casual black wearing during day-light hours however must not be encouraged, as it shouts 'I hate my body and I have no confidence'. 

Yes, Jane and Beryl know it makes you look slimmer and Audrey Hepburn looked amazing in (Breakfast At Tiffanys), but she was about ten and a stranger to cake. There are much kinder colours to an ageing complexion with slimming properties, such as navy, french navy or aubergine which do not have the same severity and do not cast the same dark shadows into your wrinkles. (Beryl is being awfully bossy this week, says Jane)  



8. The power of new plimsolls
Joules £39




Ahh, Jane's favourite footwear! There's nothing like the plimsoll for the WOACA's poor beleaguered feet. Jane has about 10 pairs in a variety of colours and textures and at a variety of price points and she loves them all. She wears them with almost anything from jeans (metallic leather) to ball gowns (sequinned). 


9. The power of dangly earrings



Jane has recently rediscovered the joy of the large dangly earring - or two. She was a big fan back in the day, but had a few lean years where she found them all Too Much. Nowadays, she finds their judicious use liberating and with more than a hint of youthful enthusiasm about them. In short - they make her feel young!

10. The power of a smile

Smile - Free, courtesy of Jane and Beryl


The best accessory.




Next Week: Trail Blazers 








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