Valentine's Day; that beastly moment of the year when we are expected to come up with some gooey token of romance or worse still get our kit off. Jane and Beryl spurn this load of old drivel but have a marvellous time dressing up in red and pink which happens to be one of the hot colour combos of the season. They also consider the highs and lows of modern romantic dressing.

The Happy Valentine

Velvet top Youth 45 Euros, trousers Marella £150

Shoes £19 this season Zara sale 
Lulu Guiness handbag £120 TK Maxx
Coat Zara £65

Goat coat £159 White House Designer Sale 

Dress Tahari £125, necklace Hobbs £49
The First Date

The premise of this is slightly risable, as neither Jane nor Beryl have not been on a first date for 30 years. However, they have taken soundings from single WOACAs and understand that the form is: not showing too much flesh; being happy to be who you are, a woman of a certain age; wear something that exudes confidence, and don footwear suitable for a fast getaway. 

Pre-loved Paul Costello Jacket £20, Rowlands top £54
DL 1961jeans £180. boots Moda Pelle £119
Beryl is aware that she is a bit of a handful to the uninitiated. So rather than turn up in a pink tutu, she has garnered together a simple neutral, well groomed outfit. However her feet rebelled and insisted upon wearing purple boots.   

Jacket Debenhams, jeans Gap £49.50, shoes M&S £49.50, bag Kate Spade from TK Maxx £150
shirt M&S £27.50 this season
With these precepts in mind, Jane felt compelled to ditch the pink jacket she wanted to put on in favour of her own favourite neutral: navy. The pink bag snuck in nonetheless, and she also couldn't resist some large earrings. This is because she feels younger if she has a bit of funk about her, and therefore more confident, and if there is a moment when confidence is required, then this is it.

The Revenge Dress

Dress pre-loved Versace £60, shoes Zara
£19 in the sale, Hobbs necklace £49

There comes a moment in any woman's life when she at least considers a little revenge dressing. This dress had been borrowed by one of Jane's friends to (successfully) annoy an ex-husband.  Beryl has also deployed it like a heat-seeking missile, to reek retribution upon a female relative, who insists upon telling her that she has put on weight at every family gathering. As this is clearly a category A violation of the female code, Beryl feels justified. 

Dress Diva £75, boots M&S £49.50
Jane meanwhile, angel that she is, has yet to take vengeance in this department, but she is ready, willing and able should the occasion arise.

The Rekindled Flame

Shirt The Collection, Debenhams £45, Jeans DL1961 £180, Boots pre-loved Jigsaw £70
Once in a blue moon, Beryl feels she ought to throw her husband a bone, and go out with him in public. On such outings, usually to see some sad old rock band, she tries to wear the sort of garb that he found attractive in their youth, namely jeans. Beryl is generally adverse to dressing to please a man, having once overheard a woman saying, 'My husband doesn't mind what I wear as long as it involves an ankle strap.'   

Jumpsuit Julien MacDonald at Debenhams, £55
Jane ain't throwing no bones to no-one in her lurex jumpsuit. Unworn and still with its labels hanging on, Jane and Beryl have had to use all the force in their arthritic fingers to get the zip up. Who is Jane trying to kid?

Next week: 
Jane and Beryl wear the new spring colours 

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