The Great Wardrobe Weed and Sale

The Great Wardrobe Weed and Sale

Thursday 5 October 2017

                                                                                 
                       

The time has come for Beryl and Jane to take themselves in hand. Their wardrobes are now so overstuffed, that they can not actually find anything! So with this in mind they intend to sell those items which are too tight, too short or just plain too silly, in aid of Save the Children, for as they know one woman's poison is another woman's treasure.

Here's to you Mrs Robinson. This lovely 1960s, size 10 vintage dress reminds of Beryl of something that Ann Bancroft might have worn in The Graduate, with it's subtle sequins at the neck and cuffs of its chiffon sleeves. Why is it in the charity bag, she hears you cry? Because it's too darn tight. So restricting in fact that it comes with it's own back cleavage, umm...attractive. Note to self, despite the undoubted allure of the vintage, Beryl is going to make sure that it is actually comfortable to wear. Similarly the vintage shoes with Mink pom-poms are the most delicious things on the planet (to look at), wearing them however is like a visit from The Spanish Inquisition.  Beryl thinks that it is time for some elfin creature with size three feet to try her luck, and give poor old Beryl's plates of meat a rest. 

     

The story of this garment is that Jane spotted it on the bargain 70 per cent off rail just before Christmas one year and could not help herself, really, she couldn't. All control was lost and she had to spend the £17 it cost, no matter that it was two sizes too small, no matter that a middle aged woman should NOT be wearing stretch see-through lace... There should be fashion rules about this sort of behaviour.

Lord and Saints preserve us, what is this garment and why is Beryl wearing it?  Beryl bought this in Velvet Rose in Whitchurch £35 and it is irrefutable proof, that she becomes delusional in changing rooms. First what cashmere 'sweater' has a roll neck and no sleeves...dur. 

Also high necks always give Beryl a double chin. It's not the neckline Beryl that's doing it, it's the cakes and crisps love, she hears you cry.  Added to this Beryl is looking like a Mutant Turtle from the rear, what a shocker. Lesson learnt, check that things that looked great on you in 1980, are still doing the job.

 

When is the right age to cease the wearing of a mini dress? Definitely fifty-six. In a strange fit of changing room madness Jane thought this cheap bit of black nylon hit the spot, but no. Perhaps a decade and two stone ago, maybe.... And have you seen that back fat?!

Actually Beryl has to agree with Jane's analysis that she looks good in this Monsoon dress (£79) of two winters ago. So why is it resolutely in the charity bag? Well... because it is the mother of all serial buys and she has at least ten others that do the same job. Beryl finds that if she has five similar garments, she loves two, finds one serviceable, and the other two languish unworn. Bye-bye rosy frock, it's all over now.     

   



More cheap chiffon with sparkles, Jane is a sucker for them it seems. Good dark navy, and with a swoosh of tummy covering fabric, until she turns sideways and oops, preggers again!

Beryl bought this little coat from a vintage shop in Frome for £20.  Why does she spurn it? Well it is supposed to to be a statement coat, but in Beryl's opinion it's only managing a bit of a lukewarm suggestion. Memorandum to Beryl, only buy the truly outstanding, life is too short for also-rans.

Jane is not looking at her happiest in this hippy, hippy shake clingy knitted skirt (which still has its labels on). And the shirt - nice enough but too small now and one in a very very long series of  shirt sagas...