Christmas supermarket fashion crackers or just turkeys?

Christmas supermarket fashion crackers or just turkeys?

Tuesday 6 December 2016

 Christmas supermarket fashion crackers 

or just turkeys?

Jane has this habit of making the easily-led Beryl do things, that she has absolutely no intention of doing and this Christmas it appears is no exception. So, can we just say just for the record, that Beryl has never and will never own a sweater decorated with Christmas trees, dancing Christmas puddings or lost looking reindeer. This clarified, we can discuss, that Jane and Beryl like many WOACA's (Women of a Certain Age) are time-pressed at Christmas and therefore are as likely as anyone to pop a clothing item into the supermarket trolley on their way down the aisles. Therefore, Jane and Beryl went off to ASDA, Sainsburys and Tesco, to see what might be nestling next to the crackers, selection boxes and cheese footballs, in the days to come.

Supermarket Christmas clothes in Jane and Beryl's experience are almost uniformly black, finding any colour is something of a challenge. Jane and Beryl had to fall back upon the Christmas jumper. Please do not buy these, you will be sick to death of the beastly thing by Boxing Day, and they are an ecological disaster, and not that funny.

This is more the Christmas raffle ticket. This elegant Lurex top was the full-fiver and lurking on the sale rail. Disappointingly, there were absolutely no sparkly tops to be had in Sainsbury. This seems a bit of a lost market opportunity. Sparkly tops are Beryl's particular weakness, (what isn't, says Jane.) She has, like many women, an inner magpie that cannot resist anything shiny. All her recent expensive buys in that department have been disasters. Last year she spent over a £100 on a French Connection confection that made her look at least half a stone heavier. Reflective surfaces are not the friends of middle age spread, so Beryl was keen to see if she could get the look for less. 

 Tesco on the other hand had two sparkly tops on offer. Exhibit A worn by Beryl £15 and Exhibit B worn by Jane £10. Neither Jane or Beryl looked truly lovely in B, but Jane looked better than Beryl, who resembled a sexually confused hod carrier. In reality it looked ...and Jane and Beryl are going to whisper this... cheap and nasty. A, however, looked more expensive and offered more coverage. Jane and Beryl were coated in a blizzard of sparkles which was fun, but you would need to be careful who you kiss, your victim being left with the imprint of two sparkly breasts if over-enthusiastic. Could Jane and Beryl also make a bid for better more subtle lighting in the supermarket changing room. One could have performed key-hole surgery in Sainsbury's changing room, which might be useful on another occasion, but is frankly an unpleasant environment in which to try on clothes showing everybody fault.

Jane was feeling chilly (unusual in itself) in the changing rooms and was pleased to get this winter white coat on her back. It was £50, and she felt very at home in it it. Beryl felt that the price point was all wrong and that Jane would do better to wait for the pre-Christmas sales on the actual high street, in terms of quality for the same money. The boots she did not quibble with, however, and were incredibly comfortable and warm for their £25. The scarf, added for colour and sparkle, was £10.

Sparkly dangly things are
 a fab supermarket buy and
 this one comes in at £8 from ASDA.

This cold-shoulder jumper from ASDA, is just the sort of bit of kit that super-markets do best. It is impossible to identify where it came from, or how much the wearer paid for it. Beryl, however, remains noncommittal about the pokey-out shoulder thing, as the exposed white flesh always comes off as disproportionately large. And don't get Beryl started about sitting in a draught.

 Jane was getting desperate to find the goodies by this point and put on this... top?...dress? It really wasn't either and would have worked much better if it was four inches shorter. But, needs must... it cost £18 and if you are keen on leggings - which Jane and Beryl are decidedly not - they think you could put it over them. Here, Jane has them on with a sparkly hareem trew, although that's making them sound much more exotic than they are, for £12. Best bit of this outfit is the sparkly dangle £8.

   Beryl really liked this jumper from TU which at £20 seemed good value. Worn with jeans and good boots, this could pass effortlessly for expensive knitwear. However, it is made from polyester and acrylic and therefore was poaching lightly our pint-sized fashionista, as we speak. Don't say you haven't been warmed or warned. 

In the search for colour, Jane tried on this polyester top which for £5 in the sale seemed a bit of a bargain. It's not stellar, but a wearable bit of everyday kit. Where are the Christmas sparkles? All these supermarkets have missed a trick here...

... but not in the shoe department apparently, where they were manifest. Beryl's Mary Janes are from Sainsburys and were £18 and Jane's pumps were £14 from Tesco.

Hilariously, Jane and Beryl bumped into a pair of brocade trousers for £18. Those who often read their blog, will know that J and B, have been hot on the trail of the brocade trouser, but with little success. These although black...again, were really quite a good fit. Well done, Mr Sainsbury.